meagainstdaworld's Blog

shiit girl you gotta be a dumbass if you really think this niqqa "loves" you....
well he never really sed he "loved" me, but he's cool and he likes me...
yeah watever... huh. *smh* so he loves you enough to get all sexual with you but not enough to say he "loves" you... maybe its bcuz he really doesnt give a f2ck, ever thought about that?
shit... do you really think i believe that "love" bullshit... my hopes have been sucked outta my reality... after all this sh1t... how the f1ck am i suppose to know the difference
See.. thats the problem with you... always making up these excuses
U know i aint got no time for you to be judging me! i cant tell nobody shit cuz they'll never understand, you only will, if you walked in my shoes... but wat the f1ck would you know about that if YOUR whole life you been wearing expensive high heels... everything was givin to you...
I know... guys in YOUR life gave you roses; only plants i get from'em is weed... and yea i know he's in a clique but i didnt f2ck em or nothin' he wanted too but..
Do you really think thats all you deserve?
man i didnt feel shit when he was kissin my body... but i let it happen by curiousity.. now i really understand what my auntie said that 'that bullshit is no different from a finger'  but i aint let that convince me. despite how worthless i feel i know i deserve better than some nickelbag of weed, in a garage with a pool table and broken stove, lying on some couch with his body on top of mine..and you cant call me easy cuz he's the one who kept pulling my pants down insisting on penetraing me.. but when i think about sex.. i think about a responsibility... and that wud f2ck my life up.. all the people that kept telling me i aint gon be shit are gonna be laffin they're asses off..
i would feel like a failure bcuz i had a dream to prove them wrong... but that shit would dry off 'like a raisin' as Langston Hughes said.
wow... umm... i dont know wat to tell you....
of course you wouldnt know... but ay im used to talking and talking n getting no response... even if im doing right i dont feel the support... just like when i talk to these guys, they got no time for listening but  time for puttin some nut in.. ya dirty mutherfuckers make me sick... and how the f2ck cud i believe Mr. Pothead football had "feelings for me"   i heard he just wants a piece of THAT A$$..  but he's like me: doesnt like to be judged.. I understand where he's comin from.. so i didnt just label him as a jock.. he was cool, smart, funny, n down to earth.. only diference is that he lets the demons get to em too much... Yeah any guy can get horny but to control it is a rare blessing. 
Yeah well at least now you know his real intentions.. just get away from him... even if he's "nice"
shit i know guys REALLY would do ANYTHING to get some pu$$y...but to me, d1cks aint sh1t if i dont feel the real chemical of love... the thing that seduced me was i thing called "Lust" i just hope it didnt POISEN me...
i hope im clean... Lord, i'll make some changes if i come out alive...
man shit like this aint even worth it.. *smh* aint even worth it... i hope i didnt end up like Eve where it aint no turning back to that paradise God gave me, and i let these f2ckin demons get to me... shit now i realize this apple wasnt even worth it... *throwin an apple* n f2ck the leaves growin from this tree too! Yea its an herb, but its forbiddin cuz all it does is make you do stupid shit... now i hope im clean cuz i can still receive that reconciliation... that forgiveness i just hope it aint scarred me for life.. My good intentions are growing and i would hate for it to collapse... or purposely blow up like the World Trade... like this gov finishing themselves like i do wen i puff this sh1t. if God can let me out of this one im definatly promising some changes... n that aint no lie.. i dont go back on my word. n i know he hears my prayers n i know he's there cuz he's sent me someone thats more precious than any hard wet dick.. that shit dont matter to me.. i give that away just to live n normal life in faithful commitment to somebody who actually cares about me n is NOT just using my life for their entertainment. i guess all this time i been a puppet... but the strings were cut off when i refused to give myself into performing an act which was sacred to me.i hear good men say "what happened to the pride in women nowadays." i want me a gentleman. ;).. My life is DONE being their entertainment... i dont gotta prove myself to nobody.. i am Me n if you dont like it.. Fuck you im keepin my legs closed... Mr. Football, only started liking me once he started hearin about the label people put me with out a slight clue of what i been doing... he only liked me cuz i was now a "bad girl" well F2CK THAT ENTITLEMENT!! 

i wish my parents woulda just stayed in our country. im getting fed up with people's bullsh1t.. i feel lost. i dont belong here/ people tryna do me like im stupid.. even though i speak English it still brings me back, reminding me of how Latin immigrants feel when their fresh out the border... their first days out here... feeling lost.. even though theyre hard working they are still neglected, disrespected, and taken for granted.
Man i wanna go back to my country when i look outside n daydream, i feel a warm tear coming out of my eye, cuz my reality is so bleak... making it seem impossible to fulfill these dreams.
I cant remember the last time i seen a colorful sunset on the horizon making it seem like the water is red. I dont think i ever did, Just me daydreamin' again.
Yeah, i feel lost in here, but its not like i can just go back there. Things isnt the same anymore. it aint like it used to be. All the clear warm spring waters have been contaminated. The trees have been cut down to make room for drug dealers' mansions. *Now if they would legalize weed there wouldn't be so much bloodshed over the sales of Marijuana*
"i dont know where's my home, cuz the place that im from doesnt exist anymore."   - Immortal Technique
I feel so lost, i cant imagine myself getting white washed. i will preserve the pride of my culture in my heart even if my skin is light and i was born in this country. My mother raised me to keep a real close contact with my roots. Thanks to her, she showed me the true meaning of being Mexican (Latina)..
It aint about how brown your skin is, or how many Coronas you drank... saying "ese" at the end of every sentence is irrelevant.. (dont rely on stereotypes to educate you about other cultures)
It aint about what music you listen to, or waht the color of the people you date. You cant be blamed bcuz you cant stop the attraction that would be like tryna turn salt back into Sodium and Chlorine. And you cant blame Hip Hop, Jazz, or Rock cultures cuz thats what America gave us, and made us as who we are, our tastes our likes.
That would never clear the Aztec, Indigeous blood in you. Its all in you. Be proud of it. Our ancestors were great, creative, beautiful, and intelligent people. Keep that spirit alive. stay humble.
No love for material, i'll rather preserve nature.

I know Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, and i have faith. i wish my family would just accept me for who i am.. and actually get to know me instead of making their ignorant judgements. thats what makes me repel from them. you see, i try to get along with them, but it always ends up with bullsh1t. i dont know why. its always been like they dont like me. today it feels like they hate me. they always expect perfection from me... this sh1t is tearing me apart. everything is my fault. theyre always against me in every arguement, even if im right (or so i think i am... idk. maybe somethings wrong with me...) then i feel like sh1t. but i will never change for them. 
The though of spending Christmas with them haunts me.
with my ma: shes goin be with my stepdad's family ALL DAY n they ignore me... like last Christmas.. i was the only one who didnt get sh1t.
with my aunt: hell no. not with all the phony, stuck up, uptight people. they dont know how to have fun. they are NOT down to earth AT ALL. they'll find anything to judge n critisize about you.
i guess the only one left would be my dad... this is gonna be the first time i ever spend Christmas with him... i never though i would... he may be a bipolar asshole sometimes but its better than the first two

                                                                                                                            12/15/11
To my family in the house,
                                           i love ya'll but i just cant deal with the bullsh1t sometimes
i've done nothing but be honest, but if that aint good enough, then i dont know what will. you should take a look at the "innocent" ones theyre probably theb ones up to no good. cuz they kiss your ass waay too much.. hmmm... have you ever really wondered exactly "whyy?"  whatever, i'll leave that a mystery. OHH NO I AM NOT BEING BLACKMAILED!! although i DONT GIVE A F1CK.. "b1tch go ahead n tell her i smoke weed"
Yeah, they may kick me outta the house... DISGUSTED? hmm.. not a surprise... i may have an attitude, but what i speak IS THE TRUTH... and if one day ya'll really kick me out of the house... n i go live with my dad, it's all good. at least i wont constantly get b1tched at for leaving the house, and he wont be interrogating my friends like the damn FBI.
but MA who will help you around with the housework? you even said it yourself that you feel lonely when im gone. But when i come back its the same bullsh1t. Are we really THIS bipolar? i dont know what the f1ck to do.

shit, all i want is some time away from ya'll. just wanna chill with some friends and kick it with some guys. dont judge them cuz yu dont know them. i just like to keep people separated like this to avoid drama. eyy i hate havin to do this but "it is what it is"

im out <3

it doesnt matter where you come from, remain true,
enlightened like a lonely candle in a pltch black room.

Your right. your not paranoid.. or maybe were both paranoid.... but its the truth. now im coming to the conclusion of... WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO??

people nowadays dont see the true value of anything, unless it is material.

but one day they will learn n become enlightened... you know wat they say "you dont know wat you have until its gone." its gonna happen sooner or later..

My heart was so cold it was numb enough to not feel shit,
but this niqqa touched my heart, defrosting it,
so he can leave the injuries, now i see why he did it. 

he's a player n a sorcerer; well imma warrior n a philosopher,
but we both survivors, so this'll be like fighting fire with fire.